My social media feed has been, in the past, full of hilarious observations from my youngest, who turns seven today. She’s not getting any less funny, but more of her jokes only make sense in context, which doesn’t lend itself well to Twitter. Here are the things she said and did that fit in 140 characters…
6-yr-old, after spending five minutes maximizing the amount of margarine that she can fit onto a muffin: “I don’t like blueberries.” Argh.
6-yr-old: “Dad, you *know* I need snuggling…”
6-yr-old and I trying out the props at the
@PACarlton Library selfie station!
6-yr-old is pretending to eat dinosaurs for dinner, for some reason…
6-yr-old, watching me steam a backdrop: “I don’t have any wrinkles on me, because I don’t fold.” *pause* “I’m too thick.”
Wise words from the 6-yr-old, out of the blue: “Butts are gross.”
@mandinni, re: the 6-yr-old cleaning off her face paint: “She’s being very magnanimous about it…”
6-yr-old: “That means I don’t want to.”
6-yr-old: “Why is the middle of fries full of potato stuff?”
6-yr-old: “I didn’t know grownups could have cousins!”
6-yr-old: “Orange is not one of my favourite colours, but it is one of my favourite fruits.”
Good to know…
6-yr-old: “Ow, I accidentally flinged pickle water into my eye.”
Me: *trying very desperately to look like I’m not laughing at her*
6-yr-old: “Dad, can you get me popcorn?”
Me: “You had popcorn last night!”
6-yr-old: “But I could still have popcorn tonight!”
10-yr-old reading to 6-yr-old.
Me: “Same three books tonight?”
Me: “You don’t want to change?”
6-yr-old: “I never want different books!”
Out of context creepiness from the 6-yr-old: “I want your skin, sister!”
(She was talking about potatoes)
6-yr-old: “Well, I can’t pull myself apart!” Why would you want to?
6-yr-old and me enjoying some ice cream!
6-yr-old, annoyed at me for not letting her do something: “I wish you were popcorn. Then I’d eat you!”
6-yr-old’s idea of a bike ride: bike is parked on the sidewalk, but she’s wearing her helmet while she searches the grass for caterpillars.
6-yr-old: “I wish I was less sassy… But I’m not.”
6-yr-old: “Can I have a wonton? I accidentally already bit one.”
6-yr-old: “Murder time!”
Um, remind me to stay out of your way for a bit…
6-yr-old is calling All Dressed chips “fully dressed” and I can’t bring myself to correct her…
6-yr-old to 10-yr-old: “Your mouth is moving, but you’re talking out your butt!”
6-yr-old: “I’m bigger than birds!”
6-yr-old: “You’re sometimes fun.”
6-yr-old: “My birthstone is ame-fist!”
Somehow, that seems fitting…
6-yr-old: “Potato is an egg!”
Could you say that again a little more cryptically this time?
6-yr-old: “My armpits taste like bananas.”
Do I want to know why you know this?
6-yr-old: “Don’t blame me, I’m Chinese! No, wait… I’m Spanish!” She says in what she thinks is an English accent…
6-yr-old *cries for half an hour because her toothbrush fell in the toilet and had to be thrown out*
Two days in a row, the 6-yr-old has brought home binders from school that weren’t hers. Twice! Argh.
6-yr-old: “Is Donald Trump real?”
6-yr-old and I both enjoyed “Storks”. She for the slapstick humor and I for the parenting comedy.
6-yr-old: “I made my house really far away from my sheep farm so every day I have to take a roller coaster to work.”
6-yr-old: “If you, me, & mom were in a car crash, I wouldn’t save you, I’d save mom. I’d have to push your dead body out of the car.”
6-yr-old, learning to read: “English actually is really weird.”
Yes, yes it is.
6-yr-old: “You don’t have to be my parent all the time!”
That’s literally my job…
6-yr-old, humming: “I’m going to vibrate on to you.”
6-yr-old: “You don’t know what happens to pears when they get too soft? You’re not the pear master, daddy. Only God is the pear master.”
6-yr-old: “Dad, you’re actually really huge!”
Must… Not… Make… TWSS… Joke…
6-yr-old: “Sometimes you just have to let other people be older than you.”
6-yr-old: “What does this spell?”
@mandinni: “Coca Cola”
6-yr-old: “Really? Cause it tastes more like Coke…”
Convinced the 6-yr-old that some random nail in the wall is holding the house together. Now she’s worried the cats are going to loosen it…
6-yr-old: “You scared me!”
6-yr-old: “I did not expect that. I forgot all about sneezes.”
You did what now?
6-yr-old building a roller coaster to her sheep farm… As one does…